The twenty-odd finalists, in no particular order:<\/b>
Remember, all the competitors gain extra points from the judges for the use of the words “love<\/i>“, “gift<\/i>” and “cherish<\/i>“.
As always, many of the more traditional judges will also give the nod to even more <\/i>tired BDSM cliches.
The finalists:<\/b><\/p>\n
Oaken barrel love
Cherishment of subbies gift
Closed lid with a sigh<\/p>\n
Lex<\/i><\/p>\n
Shadow of myself.
Thee I loathe to a barrel
Still love you mother<\/p>\n
E<\/i><\/p>\n
Dark and stormy night
barrels rocking in the rain
I have to go pee<\/p>\n
Honey<\/i><\/p>\n
Sir my love wanes, Sir.
Red Sir, red sir, Sir! Sir? Prick.
Cherish canned worms.<\/p>\n
John<\/i><\/p>\n
Cherish *My* gift, slave.
Edge play to beat all edge play
Death: Free. Barrel: extra.<\/p>\n
aura lee<\/i><\/p>\n
Cherished gift wont fit
the fifty five gallon wrapper
In the lake she goes<\/p>\n
China^doll<\/i><\/p>\n
No longer hollow,
my heart in this dark barrel.
Cherish this life’s gift!<\/p>\n
radiogirl<\/i><\/p>\n
MasterDomLordSir
:::this cherished subbie leaves couch:::
and pickles her gift<\/p>\n
Cailin<\/i><\/p>\n
Alone in the dark
My gift no longer cherished
Longing for whispers<\/p>\n
Derik’s bree<\/i><\/p>\n
Barrel whisper dreams
Mommy are we there yet..No.
Tongues through glory holes <\/p>\n
Ginger<\/i><\/p>\n
I need to stop this
Another body to hide
I need more barrels.<\/p>\n
Kitten<\/i><\/p>\n
Slut I’ve had your gift
Your love cries hurt my head bitch
Cherish your sealed home<\/p>\n
min<\/i><\/p>\n
Ummm…send in the clowns?
there were supposed to be clowns…
searching the barrel<\/p>\n
Bella<\/i><\/p>\n
Put one in barrel
I gift her with my urine
cherish it all, sub<\/p>\n
Bashar<\/i><\/p>\n
This is all i get?
And i thought it was a gift.
Boring, dumb barrel.<\/p>\n
nitcha<\/i><\/p>\n
Nails pound down lid tight
Barrel-roasted for freshness
Goes great with Merlot<\/p>\n
Simi<\/i><\/p>\n
barrel built for two
two subs to cherish my gift
of giving the dark<\/p>\n
subssoul<\/i><\/p>\n
Cherish my gift, love
He said ever so sweetly
Death in a barrel<\/p>\n
twoentwined<\/i><\/p>\n
Panic chokes her
Dying now..please please say it
He does..cum now bitch<\/p>\n
Stormy <\/i><\/p>\n
Special mention <\/b>to the criminal and morally dubious work of Ah Pook<\/b>, the Steely Dan <\/i>of Barrel <\/b>Murder Haiku<\/b>, the elder statesman of this underappreciated art form… And now, a few words from our Olympic Hero:
“You syphilitic thug! You plan a haiku contest and do everything in your
power to keep me out, don’t you, you son of a gypsy. Your international
tribunal of so-called judges may dirty your towels and impregnate your cats,
but they do not stand in judgement of my self-proclaimed haiku-dexterosity!<\/i><\/p>\n
In no time I write
Twenty-three haiku’s for you
This one’s twenty-four.<\/p>\n
Ha – HaaaaaaH!!!<\/i>“<\/p>\n
Midwestern “subbies”,
I need some plus-size barrels,
Lane Bryant makes them.<\/p>\n
Murderous male dom,
Trailer park induced killings,
Avowed pork-o-phile.<\/p>\n
Kansas City kink,
Trailer parks and husky girls,
Double-wide barrels.<\/p>\n
“Today on Springer,
‘My Boyfriend’s Buried Corpses
Clutter Up the Yard'”.<\/p>\n
Tawdry motel trysts,
Universally reviled?
In Georgia, they’re not.<\/p>\n
His pick-up truck shines,
He drives her to the motel,
But he makes her pay.<\/p>\n
He seems like a guy
I can trust to be gentle,
Hope he isn’t gay.<\/p>\n
Opens doors for her,
Says “please” before he ties her,
Then… it’s “Mr Hyde”.<\/p>\n
“Get on your knees, bitch,
I need your Discover card,
and your PIN number”.<\/p>\n
What’s happening here??
This man, my precious gift,
like on #Dominion???<\/p>\n
This is so sleazy,
am I not to be cherished?
I don’t feel so fresh…<\/p>\n
“That’s right bitch, take it,
take it like the whore you are,
where are your car keys?”<\/p>\n
“Suck on this butt plug,
suck on this motel room towel,
now… swallow them both!”<\/p>\n
urkkk! Ackk bllluggh pffft kkkck,
kakkk oochh oh please oh please nnggghhhhh
uccckkk uckkk uck… uh… nnnnhhhhhhh………..<\/p>\n
“Christ, now I’ve done it.
Good thing I have a chainsaw.
Better clean the tub.”<\/p>\n
Then it’s lots of noise,
And lots of blood everywhere,
Unfortunately.<\/p>\n
Fine filets of girl,
Just like at a butcher shop,
I prefer the hams.<\/p>\n
Barrels of offal,
Like a viscous stew from hell,
The hairy bits float.<\/p>\n
“Better find a place
I can stash these things, and soon.
How ’bout in the yard?”<\/p>\n
Digging holes at night,
The moon on his sweaty brow,
“Oh christ they’re heavy.”<\/p>\n
“Three feet is deep ’nuff,
Long as no one digs right here.
Sure hope the dog don’t.”<\/p>\n
“‘Kay, what did I score,
a ring, twenty-two dollars,
six Deal-a-Meal cards?”<\/p>\n
April moon over
Kansas prairie, he goes home
And watches Baywatch.<\/p>\n
Ah Pook<\/i><\/p>\n
Please direct all complaints, questions, death threats and dubious packages to the United Nations Re-education and Political Realignment Dormitiory and Therapy Annex, where the judges are recuperating under suspiciously high security.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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