The twenty-odd finalists, in no particular order:
Remember, all the competitors gain extra points from the judges for the use of the words “love“, “gift” and “cherish“.
As always, many of the more traditional judges will also give the nod to even more tired BDSM cliches.

The finalists:

Oaken barrel love
Cherishment of subbies gift
Closed lid with a sigh

Lex

Shadow of myself.
Thee I loathe to a barrel
Still love you mother

E

Dark and stormy night
barrels rocking in the rain
I have to go pee

Honey

Sir my love wanes, Sir.
Red Sir, red sir, Sir! Sir? Prick.
Cherish canned worms.

John

Cherish *My* gift, slave.
Edge play to beat all edge play
Death: Free. Barrel: extra.

aura lee

Cherished gift wont fit
the fifty five gallon wrapper
In the lake she goes

China^doll

No longer hollow,
my heart in this dark barrel.
Cherish this life’s gift!

radiogirl

MasterDomLordSir
:::this cherished subbie leaves couch:::
and pickles her gift

Cailin

Alone in the dark
My gift no longer cherished
Longing for whispers

Derik’s bree

Barrel whisper dreams
Mommy are we there yet..No.
Tongues through glory holes

Ginger

I need to stop this
Another body to hide
I need more barrels.

Kitten

Slut I’ve had your gift
Your love cries hurt my head bitch
Cherish your sealed home

min

Ummm…send in the clowns?
there were supposed to be clowns…
searching the barrel

Bella

Put one in barrel
I gift her with my urine
cherish it all, sub

Bashar

This is all i get?
And i thought it was a gift.
Boring, dumb barrel.

nitcha

Nails pound down lid tight
Barrel-roasted for freshness
Goes great with Merlot

Simi

barrel built for two
two subs to cherish my gift
of giving the dark

subssoul

Cherish my gift, love
He said ever so sweetly
Death in a barrel

twoentwined

Panic chokes her
Dying now..please please say it
He does..cum now bitch

Stormy

Special mention to the criminal and morally dubious work of Ah Pook, the Steely Dan of Barrel Murder Haiku, the elder statesman of this underappreciated art form… And now, a few words from our Olympic Hero:

“You syphilitic thug! You plan a haiku contest and do everything in your
power to keep me out, don’t you, you son of a gypsy. Your international
tribunal of so-called judges may dirty your towels and impregnate your cats,
but they do not stand in judgement of my self-proclaimed haiku-dexterosity!

In no time I write
Twenty-three haiku’s for you
This one’s twenty-four.

Ha – HaaaaaaH!!!“

Midwestern “subbies”,
I need some plus-size barrels,
Lane Bryant makes them.

Murderous male dom,
Trailer park induced killings,
Avowed pork-o-phile.

Kansas City kink,
Trailer parks and husky girls,
Double-wide barrels.

“Today on Springer,
‘My Boyfriend’s Buried Corpses
Clutter Up the Yard’”.

Tawdry motel trysts,
Universally reviled?
In Georgia, they’re not.

His pick-up truck shines,
He drives her to the motel,
But he makes her pay.

He seems like a guy
I can trust to be gentle,
Hope he isn’t gay.

Opens doors for her,
Says “please” before he ties her,
Then… it’s “Mr Hyde”.

“Get on your knees, bitch,
I need your Discover card,
and your PIN number”.

What’s happening here??
This man, my precious gift,
like on #Dominion???

This is so sleazy,
am I not to be cherished?
I don’t feel so fresh…

“That’s right bitch, take it,
take it like the whore you are,
where are your car keys?”

“Suck on this butt plug,
suck on this motel room towel,
now… swallow them both!”

urkkk! Ackk bllluggh pffft kkkck,
kakkk oochh oh please oh please nnggghhhhh
uccckkk uckkk uck… uh… nnnnhhhhhhh………..

“Christ, now I’ve done it.
Good thing I have a chainsaw.
Better clean the tub.”

Then it’s lots of noise,
And lots of blood everywhere,
Unfortunately.

Fine filets of girl,
Just like at a butcher shop,
I prefer the hams.

Barrels of offal,
Like a viscous stew from hell,
The hairy bits float.

“Better find a place
I can stash these things, and soon.
How ’bout in the yard?”

Digging holes at night,
The moon on his sweaty brow,
“Oh christ they’re heavy.”

“Three feet is deep ’nuff,
Long as no one digs right here.
Sure hope the dog don’t.”

“‘Kay, what did I score,
a ring, twenty-two dollars,
six Deal-a-Meal cards?”

April moon over
Kansas prairie, he goes home
And watches Baywatch.

Ah Pook

Please direct all complaints, questions, death threats and dubious packages to the United Nations Re-education and Political Realignment Dormitiory and Therapy Annex, where the judges are recuperating under suspiciously high security.